Moan for me like Helen Keller
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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