I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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