dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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