the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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