ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
