So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
