if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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