I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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