my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
