I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
