I was born with a shot glass in my hand
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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