i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
