if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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