Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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