piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
