i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
