My first STD was from a foam party
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
