Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
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I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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