I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
