no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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