Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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