when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She even gives head with a lisp.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
