Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
