he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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