if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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