This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
