If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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