Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
