the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
