You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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