y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
