Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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