Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize