She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she peed on how many people?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
