How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
