how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
