but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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