my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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