i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
