When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
operation harelip BJ is a go
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
