I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
