Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
