Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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