the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
