I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
