I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
