look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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