my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
