He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
