Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
