I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
