I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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