How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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