I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
