She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
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I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
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The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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