She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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