Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
