I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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