I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
