oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My brain says no but my pants say off.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
