i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
