it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I need moral support for this bender
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
