I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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