Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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