I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
