Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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