apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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