Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
