You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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