i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
