You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize