I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
