She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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