well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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