That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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