I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
